i don't need you to pity me.
ok this post is a depressing post. so, those of you who don't give a shit about me, kindly leave.
I am sick and tired of my life.
i mean, i don't see the reason for living.
my life has no meaning anymore.
my life is just about my future career.
there're no more sparks, no more excitement.
i'm a dull and a pathetically boring person.
no one likes to be with me/hang out with me because i'm soo damn bloody boring.
when i look at my friends, look at their post/pictures, i see life.
i see happiness. i see that they are living their life. and how about me?
stuck in my room doing practically nothing.
because, my life has been all about studying.
about making my parents proud.
making myself proud.
i know, i have to work hard to get a bright future. i know.
what do you think i've been doing all this while?
i'm going to work bloody super hard next sem.
i did well this sem. but i'm going to work even harder next sem. hell ya.
but, besides studying and all the hard work, my life has no meaning.
i have no life.
why am i saying all this now? it's because, i just realised it.
i tried committing suicide 2 times, but then i realised, that i should be glad that GOD has given me such a blessed life and family.
but why am i unhappy?
what happened to the days where i was happy?
where i was living my life?
i keep crying and pitying myself because i can't even enjoy myself.
stupid isn't it?
i don't even know how to enjoy myself.
i'm here, in my room, crying because i am, again, pitying myself for having a lousy life.
I don't need you to pity me.
i don't need even my family to pity me.
i don't need anyone's help.
sometimes i like to be alone.
i don't know why, but sometimes, i like to sit on my bed, lock the door, and cry.
just let my emotions to stream down my face.
i'm not emo. i'm not a unhappy person.
i think that i care about people, about everyone else, sooo much so that,i don't even care about myself.
i don't even bother to take care of myself.
i know, that studying is suppose to be good for me.
believe me, i know. i even love to study.
but other than that, i have no life.
no joy.
while the whole world is discovering their life, discovering themselves,
i'm just watching my life go by.
i know what you're thinking now.
she'll get over it.
she's just being too emotional.
i'm not telling you what to think.
i'm just telling you how i feel.
even a person like me, do feel you know.
i just feel all alone.
no one there to cheer me on.
no one to cry to.
no one there where i can laugh with.
when i needed a friend, they disappeared.
for goodness sake, i can't even have a decent conversation with my uncle without mentioning my sch/studies/my course.
i feel sooo damn bloody lousy. :(
blah. i don't want to write anymore. i cannot do it.
end.
sign.sealed.delivered.
